Most of us receive far more training in one way communication of writing and talking than in the more important skill of active listening. The key to listening is staying silent. You can’t listen well if you’re talking. Yet, most of us find that the most difficult part of listening is not talking. There are three skills involved in being a good listener:
- Giving your full attention without speaking.
- Reflecting or rephrasing key content from the speaker.
- Asking open-ended questions.
The first of these involves a relaxed but attentive posture, moderate levels of eye contact, and gestures that show that you are listening, such as a head nod. Reflecting feels more awkward for the person doing it than for the person hearing it. People like having their thoughts reflected back to them. The role of reflection is to make sure you properly understand the person you are interviewing.
When you ask a question to promote dialogue, never ask one that can be answered with “yes” or “no”. Keep the questions simple. Never interrupt the other person just to ask something.
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